It was a lot of grueling detective work, had to pay off a lot of people but as you all know I am relentless in my investigating and reporting.
One of my agents uncovered a training video that United Airlines thought they had destroyed years ago. Their training methodology is shocking and applauding.
The prerequisite for getting their wings, all applicants are compelled to take this 15-hour brutality course as shown in the video.
United searched far and wide for someone that was qualified to be the coordinator of goolunie crackers course and finally found this man Amandeep Singh to serves as their training administrator.
After the mandatory 15-hour training session was completed, each applicant had to blast Amandeep 6 times in the goolunies with a 12-pound sledge hammer to demonstrate their willingness, devotion, and dedication to United. If they had the balls to complete the course, they received their graduate certificate from The Friendly Skies.
If you want your goolunies to be continually smashed and your face bloodied up every time you travel, by all means, continue to fly the FRIENDLY SKYS OF UNITED.